How diversity and inclusion can be adding to anxiety

I came across a document recently that whilst it sought to heighten inclusivity, I fear has increased anxiety levels.

The University of Greenwich issued a guide to what is now unacceptable use of language.

It includes:
– not using husband or wife
– use of the term ‘Christian’ name
– saying sorry – as apparently this could stress out the person you are apologising to because you feel bad.

How would you react to this?

My perception is that this is instilling fear in people of making a mistake and being attacked for not being inclusive or respecting diversity.

1. You are not accountable for the response someone has to what you do or say – that is their choice.
You ARE however responsible for your intention behind the words you select and behaviours you demonstrate.

2. If you experience a feeling, don’t suppress it. It is telling you something, so listen and respond accordingly.
If you wish to apologise, then do so because you are then being true to your own values and beliefs.

1. Be kind
It really is that simple. If every word, every action came from a place of kindness then there would no longer be a need for D&I policies because there would be respect for all.

2. If someone reacts to your behaviour even though it came from a place of kindness, know that their reaction may be coming from their own place of pain. So be kind.

3. If you intend to hurt someone through words or actions, you are accountable for your intention. Refer back to point 1.

The above content was written in a social media post.    Here are some of the developments that arose:

– Consider Fact and Assumption.  If you know a person is married (fact) then using the language husband/wife is approrpriate. If you are not sure, using ‘partner’ may be kinder to avoid assuming and getting it wrong

– Using the language you grew up with and not being willing to change it is no longer acceptable.  In my view, I would again suggest that it is kind to consider other people’s needs and do your best to accommodate.

– Minorities can feel excluded when specific language is used.  My response to this is that we are all ultimately a minority of one.  Back to be kind – respect everyone’s individuality and be kind!!

I fully support the aim to be inclusive.  However, what I see happening is a fear around being accused of not being inclusive, anxiety about getting it wrong.

I bring the conversation back to intention.  If the intention comes from a positive place, a place of kindness then you are likely to be considering your choice of words and actions to optimise someone else’s positive interaction with you.

If however your intention is to exclude, to not recognise diversity, then you are accountable for this decision and the resulting impact.

Everyone, let’s be kind and in that place, anxiety will settle!

Caroline Cavanagh is an anxiety specialist  and hypnotherapist in Salisbury, Wiltshire.  She is an author and professional speaker and would love to talk to you if you would like to know more about her work