It has been a newsworthy item that Australia have brought in a new law around social media with high fines levied to organisations not adhering to the new rulings.
The impact of social media on Gen Z (the generation born between 1997 and 2012) is evident with teenage anxiety levels having risen exponentially since the the production of the front facing camera. Apple released their first version – the Apple 4 in 2010 and this facilitated the creation of selfies which is now deemed to be closely linked to the decline in teenage mental health in the last decade.
Four features have been typical for human development over millions of years:
1. Embodiment. This means we use our bodies to communicate and are aware of the bodies of others and respond to them both consciously and subconsciously.
2. Synchronicity. Being aware of things happening at the same time leading to an awareness of things like turn taking.
3. Interaction: Communications involve either one to one or one to several interactions.
4. Community: Interactions take place within communities where people are strongly invested in relationships.
Since the creation of mobile phones and in particular, the creation of social media platforms created between 2010-2015, the virtual world has warped those four features:
– it is disembodied meaning no ‘body’ is needed.
– it is asynchronous – meaning not happening at the same time.
– multiple conversations can be at the same time.
– communities are short-lived and relationships are disposable
With modern technology, we can now see that brains are wiring themselves in different ways:
– teenagers are less able to read non verbal communication. This heightens the focus on words which are delivered often without the required context for accurate interpretation
– teenagers are less aware of the impact of communications on the recipient as there is no immediate feedback – they don’t see the frown, or the tear, or the smile! This builds upon the reduced ability to accurately interpret or appreciate people’s emotional responses.
– children are conducting multiple conversations simultaneously, inhibiting their ability to concentrate
– with relationships being short lived and disposable, this can heighten the desensitivity towards and accountability of the impact of our behaviour on others.
My view, as someone who works a lot with teenagers who are struggling with anxiety and depression, is that this is only part of the answer.
A big piece of the complex jigsaw is to increase face to face time and provide forums where the skills that have been wired for our survival over millions of years of evolution can again be developed.
Here is my top 3 tips for helping teenagers to develop the skills they need to thrive as adults.
1. Model the behaviour yourself
I grew up in an environment where it was ‘do as I say, not as I do!’ It was not conducive to creating positive behaviour!
How many of us spend time on our phones rather than interacting with each other in the home?
Children will naturally copy the behaviour of parents and so model the behaviour and skills you want your children to have.
– have meal times at the table (without phones being present)
– play board games, go out for walks, or watch YouTube videos or films together so that you can discuss the storylines or issues
– in the car, have a conversation as if you are not on your phone – there is a good argument for them not to be too!!
2. When your child makes mistakes, allow the learning
Mistakes are valuable lessons but increasingly I see parents wading in to sort out their problems. A key skill for thriving as an adult is the awareness of cause and effect – the impact of our decisions.
If they forget their PE kit or lunch, don’t take it in!
The pain of wearing someone else’s kit or going hungry will serve them much better to remember next time!
3. Coach rather than solve
There will be times where they don’t have the answers. Friendship troubles or poor exam results would fall into this category.
My advice here is to coach rather than solve the problem for them. Provide the hug and emotional support and suggest what avenues they could explore – but let them do the exploring.
Simon Sinek – the creator of one of the most watched Ted talks speaks about falling and failing. We have all fallen at one point. Most of the time, you can get yourself up. It is only when the fall is serious may need a hand.
No one stays on the floor.
And it is the act of getting yourself up that creates the learning: What tripped you over? What can you do differently next time to stop you doing it again?
A coach rarely provides the answers but guides their mentee to find them themselves – to get themselves up – and that is where the learning comes.
Social media platforms are not going anywhere and new laws may help protect teenagers until they have the skills to use them appropriately.
However we also need to help them develop those skills:
– the skill of appreciating the impact we have on others by spending time interacting face to face
– the awareness of cause and effect
– the ability to get yourself up when you fall
This debate will no doubt continue for some time to come and my work as an anxiety expert will continue to support teenagers develop the above skills.
I would be interested to hear your thoughts though.
Do you agree?
Do you concur with the legal stance?
I’d love to hear from you
Caroline Cavanagh, the Anxiety Alchemist, is an anxiety specialist and hypnotherapist in Salisbury, Wiltshire. She is an author and mental health speaker and would love to talk to you if you would like to know more about her work.
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