The Art of Taking a Compliment: 3 Simple Ways to Build Mental Strength and Feel More Positive

Do you feel uncomfortable taking compliments?

Someone tells you that you look lovely, have done a great job, or have an amazing outfit.

And what do you do?

“Oh, this old thing?!”
“I was having a bad hair day, actually!”
“You’re just saying that!”

Sound familiar??

I certainly did this. I would bat away any kindness with a dismissive retort, accompanied by a large dose of discomfort.

Until one day, I saw the impact it had on the person giving me the compliment.

Her face fell.  It was as if I had slapped her in the face. And I guess, verbally, I had.

She had taken the time to say something kind, and I had effectively told her that her kindness wasn’t worth receiving.

That was the moment I decided this had to stop.

I now see a compliment as a gift. A gift that someone has given their time and effort to offer you – a bit like a beautifully wrapped box with a bow on top.

If someone handed you a gift, you wouldn’t throw it back at them or criticise the wrapping. Even if it wasn’t quite your taste, you would smile and express some form of gratitude.

So why do we find it so difficult to do the same when someone gives us a compliment?

There are some interesting psychological reasons why we can find it hard to accept positive feedback. And understanding them is the first step towards changing the habit.

If you struggle with anxiety, low confidence or self-doubt, you may have a very different opinion of yourself from the person complimenting you.

You might think you’re not particularly good at your job, yet your colleague tells you how impressed they are with your presentation.

Your immediate reaction?

“They’re just being nice.”

Or perhaps you believe you look dreadful that day, so when someone tells you that you look lovely, you assume they’re being polite.

Our brains don’t simply absorb information objectively. We interpret it through our existing beliefs and experiences.

When those beliefs are negative, a compliment can feel uncomfortable because it doesn’t fit the picture we have of ourselves.

Here’s the important bit: just because something doesn’t fit your current beliefs doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

You don’t have to believe every compliment immediately. But you can practise allowing the possibility that the other person sees something in you that you haven’t yet learnt to recognise in yourself.

Many of us have been taught that we shouldn’t blow our own trumpet.

We don’t want to appear conceited, full of ourselves or as though we think we’re better than other people.

So, when someone says something positive about us, we instinctively minimise it.

“Oh, anyone could have done that.”

But accepting a compliment isn’t the same as boasting.

There is a difference between thinking you’re better than everyone else and simply acknowledging that you’ve done something well.

You can be humble without putting yourself down.  And you can recognise your strengths without needing to compare yourself with anyone else.

Anxiety often encourages us to monitor ourselves.

What do they think of me? Did I say the right thing? Do I look silly?

A compliment can actually increase this self-consciousness.

Perhaps someone praises your work, and instead of enjoying the moment, you immediately start worrying about whether you’ll be expected to maintain that standard.

Or someone compliments your appearance, and you feel awkward because you don’t know how to respond.

Your brain may interpret the attention as a form of social risk, even when the interaction is positive.

Remember, anxiety is your body’s response to perceived risk. It doesn’t necessarily mean there is a genuine threat.

You can feel uncomfortable and still choose how you respond.

That is one of the foundations of building mental strength.

Think about how often you notice the things you haven’t done, the mistakes you’ve made or the areas where you could do better.

Now compare that with how often you stop to acknowledge what has gone well.

For many of us, the balance is heavily weighted towards the negative.

And if you spend your time looking for what’s wrong, you can become very good at finding it!

This isn’t necessarily a personal failing. Our brains have a natural tendency to pay attention to potential threats and negative information. It’s part of our innate survival instinct.

But when that tendency becomes our default setting, we can overlook the good things happening around us, including the positive qualities that other people recognise in us.

The good news? We can practise changing that.

Going from discomfort to effusive gratitude is unrealistic. So take some small steps:

This was my starting point.

No elaborate response. No false enthusiasm. No need to convince yourself that the compliment is true.

Just smile and say, “Thank you.”

That’s it.

If someone says, “You look lovely today,” you don’t need to explain why your hair isn’t quite right or point out the fact that your outfit is years old.

Simply say thank you.

Why does this work?

Because you are changing your behaviour before you necessarily change how you feel.

You may still experience that little surge of discomfort. There may be that inner voice that says they are wrong. That’s okay.

You’re practising a new response instead of automatically reaching for your old one.

And the more you practise, the more familiar it becomes and the quieter that other voice becomes.

Your practical challenge: the next time someone compliments you, notice your instinctive response. Do you want to dismiss it, argue with it or explain it away?

Pause for a moment. Take a breath. Then say “thank you.”

You don’t need to feel completely comfortable to take that first step.

Once saying thank you feels easier, you can take the next step.

Acknowledge the compliment and add a little context.

If someone compliments your hair, you might say:

“Thank you! I’m so fortunate to have an amazing hairdresser.”

If they compliment your clothes:

“Thank you! I’ve had this for ages, but I just love how it feels.”

Or if someone tells you that you’ve done a great job:

“Thank you! I really enjoyed working on that.”

Notice what you’re doing.

You’re not dismissing the compliment or arguing with it. You’re allowing it to land and adding something positive to the conversation.

You don’t have to make a big deal of it. A small response is enough – and the more genuine it is, the easier it will be.

And you’ll probably notice that the other person smiles too.

After all, it feels good when someone receives our kindness rather than batting it straight back at us!

Your practical challenge: practise accepting one compliment this week without using the words “but”, “just” or “only” to minimise it.

You might be surprised at how often those little words creep into your response.

This was the real turning point for me.

By giving genuine compliments to others, you begin to experience the other side of the interaction.

You notice how it feels when someone does what you used to do: dismiss your kindness, argue with you or immediately point out something negative.

You also notice how lovely it feels when your compliment is acknowledged.

And that changes your perspective.

You start to understand that a compliment isn’t simply a statement about someone’s appearance, ability or achievement. It’s an opportunity to create a positive human connection.

The key is to be genuine.

You don’t need to make grand statements or deliver profound observations about people you barely know.

Start small.

Has someone got a lovely dog? Tell them!

Are they wearing an amazing coat? Tell them!

Has a colleague handled a difficult situation particularly well? Let them know.

You don’t need to stand there waiting for a particular reaction, either. Give the compliment and carry on with your day.

You’re offering something positive, not asking for anything in return.

One of my favourite experiences happened while I was standing in a queue at John Lewis in Southampton, doing some Christmas shopping.

Behind me was a lady wearing the most amazing purple jumper.

I turned my head and said, “Can I just say that jumper is the most incredible colour. It looks stunning!”

Fifteen minutes later, we were still chatting and having the loveliest conversation.

Nick, meanwhile, was rather fed up. He’d paid for the shopping and was now waiting for our conversation to end!

I’ve never seen that lady again, but the memory has stayed with me for years.

All because I chose to say something kind and it lead to something that made both our days better.

That little interaction cost me nothing, took seconds to start and gave me a memory that still makes me smile.

Your practical challenge: give one genuine compliment a day for the next seven days.

It could be to a friend, a colleague, a stranger or someone serving you in a shop.

Notice how it feels to offer that kindness. Notice how people respond. And notice how much easier it becomes to see things you appreciate about others.

You may find that the more you look for positive things to say, the more positive things you notice.

You might be thinking, “This is all very nice, Caroline, but how is accepting a compliment going to help me manage anxiety?”

It’s a fair question.

And the answer goes beyond simply making ourselves feel good.

When anxiety and self-doubt dominate our thinking, we can become very skilled at collecting evidence that supports our fears.

We remember the mistake we made but forget the five things we did well.

We focus on the one person who criticised us rather than the ten who praised us.

We tell ourselves we’re not good enough, then dismiss the evidence that suggests otherwise.

Learning to accept a compliment gives us an opportunity to pause and question that automatic negative response.

Instead of immediately thinking, “They’re just being nice,” we can try:

“Perhaps they genuinely mean it.”

Or:

“That’s an interesting perspective. I hadn’t thought about myself in that way.”

You don’t have to replace every negative thought with an exaggerated positive one.

You simply need to become more open to the possibility that your negative interpretation isn’t the only interpretation available.

That is a much more balanced way of thinking.

We are social creatures. We need connection, belonging and a sense that we matter to others.

Positive interactions help us strengthen those connections, whether that’s a brief chat with a stranger in a queue or a meaningful conversation with someone we know well.

And connection matters when it comes to mental wellbeing.

When we feel connected to others, we have opportunities to share experiences, receive support and contribute something of value.

Giving someone a genuine compliment is a small act of contribution. It communicates that you’ve noticed them, that you appreciate something about them and that you’ve taken the time to say so.

And when you accept a compliment graciously, you allow that positive exchange to be completed.

It’s a small thing, but small things add up.

In a world where so much of our communication happens through screens, those everyday moments of human connection are really worth nurturing.

Here’s an analogy I often use.

Think of your attention as a muscle.

If you spend most of your time looking for problems, mistakes, risks and things that could go wrong, you’re repeatedly exercising that particular way of thinking.

And because it becomes familiar, you may find yourself doing it automatically.

You walk into a room and notice what’s wrong before noticing what’s right.

You finish a project and focus on what you could have done better rather than what you achieved.

Now imagine deliberately exercising a different muscle: the ability to notice what’s good, what you’ve achieved and what you appreciate about other people.

At first, it may take conscious effort.

But the more you practise, the easier it can become to recognise positive experiences that you might previously have overlooked.

This doesn’t mean ignoring genuine problems or pretending everything is wonderful.

It means creating a more balanced picture of the world around you.

The negative things were never the whole story. They were simply the things receiving most of your attention.

And compliments are a wonderfully simple place to start practising that shift.

This is perhaps the most important benefit when it comes to anxiety.

Mental strength isn’t about never feeling anxious, awkward or uncomfortable.

It’s about developing the ability to experience those feelings without automatically allowing them to dictate your behaviour.

If you find receiving compliments uncomfortable, you may have spent years avoiding that discomfort by dismissing the compliment as quickly as possible.

The problem is that you never give yourself the opportunity to discover that you can tolerate the feeling and that nothing terrible happens if you simply say thank you.

By choosing a different response, you’re practising a valuable skill: you can feel uncomfortable and still do something differently.

And that skill can be applied to many other areas of life.

Speaking up in a meeting. Trying something new. Accepting recognition at work. Having a difficult conversation. Stepping outside your comfort zone.

Every time you practise responding differently to a manageable challenge, you give yourself an opportunity to build confidence in your ability to handle it.

Perhaps you’re at ground zero, batting away every compliment that comes your way.

Start with step one. Just say thank you.

Perhaps you’re already comfortable doing that but still feel the urge to minimise what someone says.

Try step two. Accept the compliment and add something positive.

Or perhaps you’re getting pretty good at receiving compliments yourself.

Then keep going with step three. Start offering genuine compliments to other people and notice the connections you create.

You don’t need to do all three at once.

Just take the next step.

Because building mental strength doesn’t always require a dramatic change, an expensive course or hours of practice.

Sometimes, it starts with something as simple as allowing someone else’s kindness to land.

And the next time someone offers you a compliment, remember that beautifully wrapped gift.

You don’t have to agree with every word. You don’t have to feel completely comfortable. And you certainly don’t have to prove that you deserve it.

You can simply smile and say thank you.

Over to you!

Are you good at accepting compliments, or do you still find yourself batting them away?

And here’s a challenge: who could you give a genuine compliment to today?

You never know what a small act of kindness might set in motion.

Let’s start creating a few more positive ripples.

Caroline Cavanagh, the Anxiety Alchemist, is an anxiety specialist  and hypnotherapist in Salisbury, Wiltshire.  She is an author and mental health speaker and loves showing people how you can change anxiety from something you struggle with, into a catalyst for growth.  Let’s chat.