How to help your teenager through traumatic events in the world

With the news dominated by traumatic events in the world, all of us are exposed to the violence, horror and pain.  The younger generation will be absorbing this differently and the impact on them is not always obvious.

Here is some advice built from my experience in living with and working with teenagers to help you in supporting them.

1. Teenagers will be absorbing information largely through social media.  They are unlikely to be consuming reliable channels such as the BBC and algorithms based on what they have previously watched or searched on will be influencing what they get. This will introduce huge bias.

2. They will be discussing events with friends and peers who may be equally ill advised.  However the reinforcement of similar points of view will heighten beliefs in the perceptions they have formed.

3. Much of the content will be short clip video based.  This does not provide wider context behind stories or counter balanced arguments.

4. Teenagers do not have the wider perspective that age and experience provides.

5. They will link pieces of information from their historic knowledge which may not be relevant.

6. The world our teens live in now is virtually much bigger than the older generations.  Prior to social media, the social reference points were real people that we knew – school mates, neighbours etc.  The world in which we operated was relatively small in terms of our connections. However now, social media has expanded that frame of reference. Teenagers can have virtual relationships with people on the other side of the world, hear about events anywhere in the world, leading to a much wider exposure to news.  This is a bit like doing a 50 piece jigsaw vs doing a 1500 piece jigsaw and struggling to put the pieces together.

What this leads to is a high degree of misinformation that in their minds, is their truth.  That truth is further enforced when friends also state similar beliefs.

Those beliefs then filter what is absorbed, further reinforcing the beliefs until the teen forms what , for them, is reality.

And when that reality is enveloped in risk, the natural response is anxiety.

After the Ukraine war started, my son came to me one day looking very sad.  He asked me if he was going to be conscripted and sent to fight.

One in his friends had been talking about how we were on the brink of a third world war.  From there they jumped to what they knew of the second world war and boys their age being signed up.  Searches soon found articles and stories that reinforced that possibility.  And for him, the possibility was translated as a reality – a belief.

He had convinced himself that we were going to war, he would be fighting for his country aged 17 and he had even convinced himself that fighting for his country was the right thing for him to do and was literally waiting for it to happen.

1. Communication, communication, communication.

Whether you are watching the news or not, ask your teen what they know about XYZ – for example, how do they feel about the stabbings in Southport.

Avoiding the conversation because it is difficult is not going to help them!

2.  If you do not feel informed yourself, search reliable sources WITH THEM.  Suggest you sit down together and research BBC news and other reliable channels.

3.  Show them a variety of sources.  Even the BBC, The Times and The Guardian will be taking different angles and stating different ‘facts.’

Use this to help your teen understand that all news is seen through the lens of both the reporter and the channel itself.

Compare this then to Youtube videos, and social media such as tiktok or X.  Help your teen understand the difference in tone, content and bias.

4.  Talk about how you feel.  Back to communication. By expressing how traumatic events in the world effect you helps them to accept that an emotional response is normal.  This then opens the channel for dialogue so that you can deploy the steps above.

5.  Look for the positives.  The media focuses on the negatives but there are always positives.

– Following the Southport stabbings we spoke about the bravery of those who went to help and how there are many, many kind brave people in the world

– Following riots, we discussed how people came out to support refugees and acts of kindness to refugees in the local community.

There is a great publication called Positive news which is excellent in both reporting the positive stories in crises but also identifying heart warming, positive stories too – as there are many of these in the world also!!

We live in a world dominated by a focus on negativity.

What we focus on creates our reality

To change that reality, change the focus.

And above all else have those conversations!

Caroline Cavanagh is an anxiety specialist  and hypnotherapist in Salisbury, Wiltshire.  She is an author and professional speaker and would love to talk to you if you would like to know more about her work